Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
