I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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