I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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