i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
