Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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