last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
