We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
