Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
