I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
