I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
