I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
