he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
