you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
