sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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