My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
