Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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