What a fucking waste of an outfit
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
