I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
how drunk are you?
Several
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
