Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
