so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
