Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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