yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
