I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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