is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
