Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
