ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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