the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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