I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
