In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Two words: blizzard sex
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
