The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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