after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
