I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
