She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i dont even know how to be here
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
