Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
