did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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