You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There's always time for handjobs
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
