he shaved USA in his pubs
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
