He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
