How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm too high and old for this...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
