i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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