I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
