I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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