she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
