I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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