Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
