ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
