I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
