Apparently you make a good broom.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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