i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
