good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
