And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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