you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
